Day 7: One Day At A Time

So I think I’m right in assuming nobody likes Mondays right? Well I hate them! Yesterday was a disaster from sunrise to sun-down and honestly, I didn’t think I’d make it to today.

It was my own fault, muggins over here decided to be awful to his ex, why? Wish I knew, but as you can imagine that started a rather large argument, and I won’t get into the specifics for her sake but it wasn’t nice. We were arguing about stuff, my head has concocted, as per. My paranoia is truly remarkable, I don’t mistrust her, and yet my mind won’t let me trust her. But anyway I ended up giving her my phone, house keys and bank card, I was done. Once again I reached this point where I believed not a singular person would be worse off if I died, but I couldn’t do it. Because of her, I won’t lie. This woman means more to me than I’ll ever get to show her and with her own personal problems right now, I didn’t want to add to her stress, I’m suicidal not selfish. 

 We sat down to talk, without arguing, at one stage and all of a sudden I was relaxed, fine and rational and I don’t get it. My mind is constantly at war with itself about what it believes, I go from unstable to delightful in an instant and now I’m looking out for these things I can see it. I can see how much it must hurt those around me who have to deal with these mood swings, to you all I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been the picture of health recently but I’m trying and you all have my unconditional love and support forever. I appreciate you.

 Anyway, we finished arguing which is always good, had a little chat nothing serious, she talked about work I told her bout my new job and it’s sketchy pay. Seriously man I can’t catch a break with jobs, but I digress.   

Then we went home, and everything felt right again. And I hate myself for it but I enjoyed it. I don’t feel particularly deserving of a nice time but I liked it so I’m gonna run with it. To be honest Monday didn’t bring much else, we had a takeaway, watched some Netflix, just faded away from life for a bit. And then bed, bliss. I’ll leave you to your day now guys, hope it’s the best it can be.